Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes.....

Yeah. So. Heh.

Well.

Nowhere to start. No reason to explain or describe. Because I cannot. I have tried.

Today sucked. Yes indeed. No, this is nothing new. But today the answer was handed to me in a long bullshitted conversation, tied in a big red bow.

I have been fucked. I have assumed the American Taxpayer position and taken it like a man - with a smile on my face.

Today I was slapped in the face twice, within 2 minutes. The first minute, I was told that basically, I'm not worthy enough to the company to try to keep me. Even just a dollar an hour - I am not worth that. I was told I am in the pay scale along with the rest. I told him that was sad.

The next minute, I was given my bonus amount. So, I turned the other check like a good person and took it. Don't spend it all in one place, Tracy. Forget big company corporate bonuses....I hear my friends who work elsewhere receive 3-5% of their salary. Cunts.

I'm not going to be told I'll be re-evaluated at the end of the year to see if I deserve more money. More money to this place is 0.13 an hour - and call that a raise. I got better raises at Schlotzsky's Deli and I was fucking 16 years old. So, Ive been to see a manager 3 times about this. Twice with my spine-less one, once with Super Cunt. I waited two and a half months to hear NOTHING. I did get flex time, (excuse me while I don't cheer) but that is a company option, not privilege.

They made my decision for me. I shall use them as they have used me. I will provide the type of work a person getting paid my salary would provide. Basically, anything that CAN go unnoticed, will. I will no longer go an extra step. I will do what I want when I want. I will come and go as I please like every other one of these bitches in this office. So, if I'm not at my desk, don't ask. I'll lie to you and tell you I was working....somewhere else. I was filing...in TMF...I was in storage.....I was scanning....I was taking a shit. This is what everyone else does, and I cant believe I didn't join the club sooner. I will be doing this until I find a place that sounds Kosher. When I am asked during my review at the end of the year (if I'm still here at that time) why I do not apply myself anymore, I will tell him that I am giving the company what the company is giving me. The bare minimum.


I don't mean to sound bitter. No - Wait. Yes I do. Fuck those bitches. I wish they'd die in a plane crash. Maybe a fire. That might be nice. But I'd rather them be scared. I mean terrified. I'd like to see the sweat drip off their chin while enduring a moment of panic.

I am saddened by this. The only reason being that I know now I must begin the search. The trouble is, I don't know where to search. I have been in the medical field for about 10 years and I'm done with it. Finished. I'd rather push carts at Wal-Mart. Scrub bricks with toothbrushes. You know whose job I want? The parking attendants in the garage I pay a million a month for. Half the time those bastards are sitting there reading. Now that's what I'm talking about.

I've lost my passion. I used to have a great passion for things that I did. Its gone and I'm going to have to figure out what motivates and excites me. I swear to fuck, if I had the body, I'd be stripping right now. Your laughing, I'm not joking. At least it would be fun and an ego booster - not to mention tons of money for exercising on a stage. There has to be the right job out there for me somewhere. I'm tired of being someones bitch. I want freedom from corporate America. I feel like moving to northern CA to work in wine vineyards.....or a square state to work on a horse farm or pick apples.

I do know this: I have a headache today. Will I be working? Not likely.