Today I counted 4 inappropriately dressed employees. I think this should be my new job.
Speaking of new jobs...I want to be a secret shopper. Not the kind that reports to companies how the staff is doing....no. I want to find shoplifters. This would be great fun! Could you imagine?? As a teenager, I got pretty good at stealing cheap Vodka for my friends and I since we couldnt buy it. I think I could put that info to good use!
The best at this would be the Rhythm Section in Gatlinburg, TN. These mother fuckers blatenly stand and STARE you down, following you arounfd the store. I will admit, it is extrememly annoying, but the bulliten board containing pics of people stealing was hysterical. The sign said, "Help us find these pricks. Thanks".
I think I would make a great Wal-Mart cop. I would love to walk around a store all day with a cart full of shit pretending to be doing something. You really woudlnt even have to work - unless you wanted to. Though I do not think it woudl be fun to take off in a full run after a crackhead with a tv, but to see the look on these poor suckers faces would rule. Then I would send them to the outcast farm.
The outcast farm in a wonderful place for those we hate. Think of it like George Carlin's solution to balancing the budget: Fence off square states for different criminal (an non criminal) offenses. The outcast farm is a place of torture for all those that get on my nerves and the nerves of those I love. Recommendations can be made by others to be placed in the outcast farm. As the CEO, I have a vast load of all different kinds of assholes that have been placed there for one reason or another. Sarah's asshole ex, Rod was placed there recently. As was Jarrod.
Were this a nonfictional place, I would certainly be in jail. Maybe my followers would continue acts of torture in my absence to those who deserve it. My favorite punishment is electric fence torture. Take Jarrod for example. The first thing I'd do with this piece of shit, rape to humaity: Hand cuff both arms and legs to the chainlink fence. Then, I'd grab a cattle shock prod and a bottle of tequila. Each time he screams, I give him a good ass jolt with the prod. Even funner: Line the fence with a bunch of these unwiling assholes and allow your real friends to join in. Give them all a bottle of tequila and a cattle prod. Then we get to interrogate, humiliate and facilitate beatings as deemed necessary. The best game to play with multiples is QUESTIONS. If we dont like that way our captives answer, we take a long swig out of the bottle and shock the shit out of them. The fun part about this is, even if the others arent stuck with the cattle prod, they will still get the shock becasue they are the metal fence as well. The drunker we get, the funner it gets.
Everyone wins!
1 comment:
I continue to be an avid fan and follower!!
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