Bad Habits

Sarah and I ran errands during our lunch break, like we usually do every week. Today she laughed at me because of one of my horribly bad habits.

If all close parking spots are taken (wherever I am) I park in a handicapped spot. I call this "utilizing". While pulling into Target, I said to Sarah, "Well, Guess Ill have to utilize". And she laughed. I have an expired one that my dad used to use. I snatched it from him. I consider this a half truth - or white lie if you will. I am mentally handicapped. I could likely use shock therapy. I have successfully been using this method for over a year and have never been caught. I'm sure I will be now that I've said it.

Here are several more of my bad/weird habits I enjoy dealing with daily. Hope you get a laugh.

I cuss myself out when I fuck something up. I learned this from my father. My dad could sew a string of cusswords that would reach all the way to the Keys from here. So, whether it’s stubbing my toe, breaking a glass, screw up a document, or spill food on me, I am going to call myself at least 5 names in a row. It's usually something along the lines of: "You god dammed dumbass stupid fucking bitch" or "Fuck me you stupid piece of shit bastard".

This one pisses off my husband immensely. He calls it: Sending him on a mission. It starts with me begging, for say, a glass of water. Then it escalates into:"OH and while you’re down there grab Katie some dog food and grab my purse and make sure the door is locked..." This infuriates him. I guess I figure if I can get him to commit to one, he has to commit to all of them. I rule.

I am obsessive compulsive when it comes to organization. I do not like other people to move my things around. I used to have a buddy Nick, who would clean for me (god love him) but you know how it is, If you want it done right you do it yourself. It took me weeks to find pots and baking dishes due to the weird bizarre places he put them.

If I find a topic I like I learn everything I can to know about it. I can have several projects at once going on in my head. This is dangerous because I have to make time to focus on work, lol.

I tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm trying to get better at that - and those close to me say I have gotten better, so Ill take their word for it. IE: I met Christian at The Edge Inn a long time ago. The first time I met him he was on Sarah's balls and he followed us to our table. The conversation went into the basics, where you grew up, where you live, what you do for a living...SO Christian was telling me that he traveled for a company and took products long distance for distribution. I said, so you are a traveling salesman? Yes, I was drunk but I didn’t mean to sound like bitch, I was serious. Oh well. Fuck first impressions.

I also have a very bad habit of getting shit started if I’m very angry. I have to have the right people with me to keep me in line should something bad happen. July 4, 2003, we had a HUGE street blow out like every year. We block the streets off and have a huge BBQ with a keg and all. So, my parents neighbor Grady lets off this firecracker strand with 10000 firecrackers. It stretched from one end to the next. It lasted 10 minutes and the cops were there in time to see the end. The said someone on Garland reported the disturbance and that we should stop. After the cops left I wasn’t just mad, I was NORWOOD mad. Tara and Sarah followed me over the next street, Garland to find out which asswipe called the cops. I planned to go to every single house onto eh fucking street. My right hand to Xenu - the first door I knocked on: "Sir, the cops said someone here called the cops due to the fireworks" He screamed, Yes it was me! I left him HAVE it. This guys neighbors next door were cracking up. I told him if I he called the cops again and I had to come back over there that I would bring some friend and beat his god dammed ass. Sarah and Tara had to take me back. Tara told my dad who cried laughing and called me a "Foster" I guess that means it was ok by him. People seek me out - trying to piss me off. That’s why I hate bars. People are bitches and if I’m given the wrong look I’m going to find out why. I stood behind a bitch at a club while her friends looked over her shoulder at me wide eyed. She was a bitch to my friend. I don’t like that when I drink.

This my friends, is the reason I drink at home with good people and fun times. Screw a bar - a club - whatever. Too much drama and trouble.

Till later my pals…..Love T$