Sunny Days Ahead

I've been smiling a lot. It feels good.

The weather is changing...Spring will arrive next week, along with its amazing ability to renew both life and happiness.

I am changing too. It feels good. The process is slow, but certain.

It isn't easy to change the way you think. It is something I work on everyday. I catch myself slipping or my mind wondering to old ideas that never worked. But now I know how to recognize this and change it immediately. I know I will have my bad days, like all humans, but at least now I won't be living my life as one giant bad day.

I'm doing better in regards to reconnecting with my family. The women is our family were always close. This is no longer the case. I really want to help mend my families issues, but I know I am not the one to do it. I could fix them about as well as I could the ozone.

My parents are at their highest functioning level they will ever be. There is no changing them. The are set in their ways and for me to expect them to dramatically change is unrealistic. I can see their problems and the solutions. What sucks is that I can't say a thing. Why? You know why. I wish I knew how to put the mirror up in front of them while they are struck by a bolt of realization. My mom is not open-minded and very hardheaded. My dad can't win with someone who doesn't forgive and won't listen. He gave up fighting years ago. It's sad, really.

Both my parents call me to vent about the other. Funny, isn't it? It's hard to be the neutral one. It's hard to listen to my parent's marital issues. I am in no way tooting my own horn, but Jesus - Brian and I have communication skills that surpass theirs twice over. I fell like screaming at them - TALK GODDAMMIT!

A book I read stated that most people focus on their own personal negatives. "I am fat" - "I am ugly" - "I'll never have a good paying job" - "Ill never find a lasting relationship". Most never acknowledge their achievements. Folks pick up their behaviors from the environment they grew up in. Even though I have been subjected to some of the below behaviors, I never picked up on them.

So as the book recommends, I am going to list five things that I am proud of myself for.

1. Fidelity in my marriage.
2. I am not a door mat.
3. Completing secondary education.
4. The only debt I have is my home and a credit card I use occasionally with a $500 limit.
5. I am the pillar of strength for my family. (This can be a blessing and a curse depending.)

I won't lie. It took me almost ten minutes to come up with these. The first answer was easy. The other four took me a while. Its so easy to focus on your own negatives instead of patting yourself on the back for a job well done. I could have listed 20 things I don't like about myself in half the time. I understand the focus of that exercise. I suggest you give it a try sometime.