I was working diligently today at about 12:40 pm. Biscuit barked. I hear a knock at the door. I go downstairs to find my mother. She is dressed up, likely on her way to or from a church event. After our conversation I blogged about yesterday, I didn't think I would see her for a while. I'll have to admit I was pissed that she was there. First of all, she lectures me that I need to make it clear to my friends that just because I'm at home doesn't mean my work is gone. She was the first to violate that. I was slammed today, I shipped out about 30 packages on top of my regular duties.
I reluctantly let her in explaining that I am working and have about 20 minutes until I'm expected on the phone. I sit down and she cries again. She is worried that I am not happy, or if not now, that down the road I'll be unhappy. There is no reason for her to be worried about this. I'm thinking, where the FUCK did this come from? Yesterday I am an atheist hippie who turned her back on God for Evolution and Science and today I am unhappy with my life, my husband? She has no reason to feel this way. Nothing has happened. Brian and I are just fine. I think she has just about fucking lost it. On the verge of some sort of mental breakdown.
I told her that I am a strong person. I can endure shit and then some, with a smile on my face. She hasn't worked a hard day in her life. She has no idea. Anyway I reminded her that either I am happy or I go another route. This is with anything in my life. My job, friendships, banker, etc. If Brian made me miserable he would not be here. I told her I am not a doormat, far from it. I will never lay down and die. If you find me dead, Ill be wounded in the back because my ass would be running like Forrest. The point is, its none of her business. If I came crying to her that would be one thing. But for her to whip this out of the air? Out of nowhere? WTF! I am so aggravated with her.
She basically told me I couldn't manage my own life and questioned my loyalty not only to my family but myself. If you know me, you know how I feel about my personal freedom. I thought she knew me better than that, but I guess I was wrong. My mom has been uninvolved with me for the last year or two. She only thinks of herself.
I called and vented to my dad, once again....poor bastard having to listen to what he lives with everyday. He is a great support. You cant discuss anything with my mother. She is set in her ways and that's the way it is. Now I just have to learn how to live around this and not let it affect my relationship with the rest of the family.
Why? Why now? When I have more on my plate than I can hold. It's not fair. I'm so tired.
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2 comments:
I am sorry you are having to go through this. Anyone who knows you knows how important family is, that's how I feel like I know your whole family even though I haven't met them - through you and your stories. I think your mom is trying to justify her foundation of thinking...and you are right, maybe all these talks have put cracks in HER beliefs and she is losing it. I am just sorry she is taking it out on you.
wait a minute... you are the one who cannot manage your life? jeez, girl, you and bri own your own beautiful house in a kick ass neighborhood and have three lovely pets, great friends, GREAT cooking abilities, and a fucking awesome sense of humor... and these are just a few of the good qualities... you guys are two of the most favorite people i have had the grace to be friends with on this crazy ass planet, it sucks you have to have screaming matches with your family about something as lame as religion. i just wish everyone would accept that we all have different beliefs!
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