Bender (and I dont mean the character from Futurama)

Good news to those of you who know the personal hell I've been enduring the past week: I barely remember the entire weekend.

Just short recap of the hell that has been my sucking the life force from me: my Mom, Brian's job, my job, doctors appointments and stupid fucking FORMS. Fuck forms. FUCK FORMS! I’m sorry. You don’t know how many I've filled out in the past 5 days.

By Thursday of last week, I had had it. The PL on my study up and quit - giving a little less than two weeks notice. She was a bitch from the moment she put her notice in and wouldn’t help for shit. Not that I blame her - it just made my job much harder. Then I find out that SUPER CUNT is going to be heading the study for a while. I hate her....no wait...LOATHE her. She DISGUSTS me. Anyone who would put all their passion into a job like this deserves to be tortured and shot. The only bit of good news I got was that I was assigned a reporting manager and I am very pleased with their decision, for a change.

Then my mom had been at me for two days in a row (more details in blogs below).

THEN Brian's boss got an attitude with me over the forms that needed to be filled out and I blew. I blew the fuck up. They have ruined my poor fucking husband. He took the slack when his boss called in drunk day after way (on salary mind you). I am a woman. And proud of it. But let me say one thing to these type of women out there: Just because you have a fucking VAGINA and have handed it out to any who asked for it does not give you the right to treat someone who hasn’t like they have. By the way - If you are ever propositioned by a woman in a bar named Wanda, and she claims to work for LensCrafters, fucking RUN. I don't even know if that would save you. I truly believe she is a succubus.

Anyway, after all the yelling, crying, screaming and then finally acceptance I decided it was not worth it. Things suck. Life sucks. I'll find a new way to deal with it that suits ME. And as if it wasn’t before, everything is defiantly about ME now. I've given too much of myself to undeserving people. FUCK YOU! (well not YOU, but you know what I mean)

I can party like a Rock Star my friends. I haven’t lived that way in a long time because:
1. Its expensive.
2. Its exhausting.
3. I like to sleep.
4. I don’t have a DUI - my luck can only run so far.
5. I would'nt make a good prisoner.
5. I got tired of old ugly drunk men wearing beer goggles thinking I was Pam Anderson.

After all my pain and suffering...I said FUCK IT. I'm going to do it RIGHT. It had been so long... I wanted to forget feelings of anxiety, depression, anger and disappointment. Yes folks, I got blasted to drown my sorrows. Blasted, just to forget. Just to be numb for a while. If you have'nt tried it, you should. Its a nice release. I don’t know why people think its such a bad thing - I consider it therapy - without insurance claims.

I started mid-Friday after noon. The shrill voices of the teleconference made me want to gag and puke. I signed out. I didn’t care if they knew I left or not. (No Margo, I didn’t cancel it, just hung up, lol.) I got up, got ready and went out for beer. I had decided I was done working for the week. I started drinking by 3 while waiting out the remaining portion of the work day - just to be available if someone IM'ed me or called my house. Then my friends, the blur began.

I woke up on Saturday, drank 4 beers and popped half of a XB I was lucky enough to come by. I laid around in a stupor then picked up Sarah. We drank more, split up and rationed the XBs for the rest of the weekend and left for the best party I had been to in a long time. Brian isn’t the party go-er type, so he stayed back. That can be dangerous, because Brian is usually my reasoning. Without him - its out the window.

Upon arriving, we were requested at the bar and began our evening off with Patron, which was likely the culprit of my fucked-up-ness. A blur here and there...a guy with Pink hair that was fucking funny as hell - I went to piss and opened the bathroom door, the light was out. From the darkness I hear, "Hey! Occupado, man!" I apologized mentioning that the light wasn't on and the door wasn't locked. I got to meet Robbie's (Andrea's brother) girlfriend who was a perfect match for Robbie. I have never seen him so happy. He'd better not fuck that up. I saw a couple of cool folks from school. It was a mix of good people, good food, lots of drinks and excellent music. We chatted, laughed and re-poured drinks for each other. We decided to join a nice circle of folks in the other room whose company was cloudy and just as enjoyable. After noticing I had taken the rest of the XB I had with me, I was given a beautiful piece of art work that I realized Sarah had just used. I thought - OMG - it's going to be one of those nights....Sarah doesn’t hold AND appreciate artwork like that often.

We woke up the next morning, Super bowl Sunday. I had driven home, and luckily was parked in a normal fashion. White Castle cups in the garbage brought flashes of the drive home, and Sarah asking me why she got Diet Coke instead of regular. (She always drinks diet). We laughed about what we didn’t remember and what we did. Then, we continued to party, and the next thing I knew I was in bed watching Tom Petty during the Half time show. Sarah was somehow at home and I went to sleep after that.

I would like to thank DRE and REE for inviting me! It was fun as hell. I needed something to break the pressure and that did it.

I'd also like to thank Anheuser-Busch, Pfizer, and mother nature's good soil for the awesome weekend I had. Now I need to figure out a way to black out during work hours yet remain productive. I guess you can't always get what you want.

Happily yours,
Tracy