Porcelain

I was on my way to work this morning and had popped in The Very Best of Moby. When it got to number three, the song, "Porcelain" played. I got a sensation so full of nostalgia, it almost caught my breath.

This song has very special meaning to me, linked with a beautiful memory.

It was when we lived in North Carolina, just a few days after 9/11. I was the only one home, which usually meant a day of cleaning. When one of us was off work, we took it upon ourselves to designate it our cleaning day. I had gotten up early to the most beautiful blue sky. I was much slimmer then and very confidently wore my two piece while cleaning the house. I got all my chores done early.

I started drinking. This was another habit of ours at the time. The person home was lucky because that meant that they had solo access to all the intoxicating agents in the house. By the time anyone else got home, they would have to drive me to the store for more booze. At the time, I was the only one old enough to buy.

I decided to lay out in the sun. I put in Moby's album, "Play" at the proper drunkard volume (loud) and plopped myself down on the deck. I planned to make the best out of the day even tho the country lay frozen in fear - no planes in the sky, the occasional military heli-vacs flying up the coast, and the fact that we were under a state of emergency.

I laid there with my eyes closed for a few minutes, enjoying the extremely ripped feeling that was me. Then "Porcelain" came on. I had heard the song many times, but I had never really listened to it. In my smokey mind I took in the words, which are few, and considered them. The flow in the song changes after Moby sings, "Tell the truth you never wanted me. Tell me." As the music unrolled, I opened my eyes and gazed at the trees blowing peacefully, the sun darting in and out of direct view. I realized the significance of the song and this wonderful warming sensation came over me. In my intoxicated state I wound the words in with the scenery and took in the beauty with each breath.

The sensation was so overwhelmingly powerful, I have never forgotten the way the song makes me feel. Hearing it this morning brought back all those wonderful feelings...its one memory I hold dear.

Later on, I saw the movie, "The Beach" with Leo DiCaprio. The song was used in the portion of the film where the three travelers were introduced to the hidden beach. I wanted to laugh because the way the characters felt was obvious, and I had already been there.